Book IX

Augustine opens by praising God for breaking his bonds of sin and transforming his desires, as he moved from loving worldly things to loving God's true and highest sweetness.

Augustine resolves to gradually withdraw from his teaching position rather than abruptly, waiting until the vintage vacation ends, so his departure won't appear ostentatious or draw unwanted attention.

Augustine's respiratory illness, which troubled him initially, becomes a genuine physical reason to leave teaching that moderates offense taken by those who wished him to continue for their sons' education.

Augustine describes suffering through the final weeks before resignation, sustained by joy in his spiritual commitment and patience, though covetousness had departed from him.

Augustine reflects on Verecundus, a wealthy friend who could not join their Christian community because his non-Christian status prevented him, though he graciously offered his country-house for their use.

Augustine reports that Verecundus later converted to Christianity while suffering illness at Rome and died as a believer, receiving God's mercy and allowing Augustine to remember him without anguish.

Unlike Verecundus, Nebridius was able to join Augustine's group after overcoming Manichean error; he became a faithful Christian and now dwells in Abraham's bosom, eternally satisfied with divine wisdom.

Augustine finally leaves his teaching position and retires to a villa where he engages in writing, having subdued his pride and also helping Alypius resist the lofty intellectual pretensions of secular philosophy.

At the villa, Augustine experiences profound emotional transformation through reading the Psalms of David, which kindle in him a zeal against the Manicheans while he remains a catechumen with his mother Monica.

Augustine describes how reading the fourth Psalm specifically moved him, though he wishes his emotional response had been witnessed by the Manicheans to convince them without artifice.

Augustine connects his past errors to a biblical reproval of those who love vanity and seek falsehood, recognizing his former Manichean beliefs as illusions while trembling at the question 'How long?'

Augustine explains how reading 'Be angry, and sin not' taught him to be justly angry at his former self while avoiding the sin of storing up wrath; he contrasts this with those who seek external goods.

Continuing his meditation on Psalms, Augustine cries out for peace and rest in God alone, who is eternally self-same and unchanging, contrasting temporal goods with eternal rest.

Augustine recounts sudden severe toothache that forced him to request communal prayer, after which the pain immediately ceased, leading him to rejoice in God's power while acknowledging his sins remained unforgiven until baptism.

After the vintage vacation, Augustine formally notifies the Milanese authorities and Bishop Ambrose of his decision to leave teaching, citing both spiritual commitment and respiratory difficulty.

Augustine and Alypius return to Milan to officially enroll as catechumens for baptism, bringing with them the young Adeodatus, whose remarkable intellect Augustine credits entirely to God's gifts.

Augustine emphasizes that his son Adeodatus, though born of sin, displays remarkable intellectual gifts that Augustine attributes wholly to God; the dialogue 'The Master' records ideas that were genuinely the boy's own.

After Augustine and Alypius are baptized with Adeodatus, Augustine experiences profound emotion hearing the church's hymns and chants, feeling divine truth distill into his heart.

Augustine notes that Milan's practice of hymn singing was recently instituted (about a year before) to sustain the faithful's spirits during the persecution led by Justina against Bishop Ambrose.

Augustine describes how God revealed to Bishop Ambrose the location of martyrs Gervasius and Protasius, whose bodies were then exhumed and caused miracles including healing the blind, refuting Justina's heresy.

Augustine notes that Euodius, a young courtier, converted and was baptized before Augustine, then abandoned military service to serve God and joined their community.

As Augustine and his companions prepared to sail to Africa, Monica grew ill at Ostia; Augustine now shifts focus from his conversion to honoring his mother's virtues and her approaching death.

Augustine explains that Monica's virtue stemmed from God's creation and a pious Christian household education, particularly influenced by a wise elderly maidservant who taught her temperance and self-control.

Augustine describes how Monica developed a habit of drinking wine while drawing it from the hogshead; God healed her through a sharp reproach from a maidservant that made her recognize and renounce the fault.

Monica served her pagan husband Patricius faithfully, never quarreling with him despite his infidelities and anger, and through her conversation and faith gradually won him to Christian belief.

Augustine praises Monica for advising other women to accept difficult marriages by recalling marriage as a binding contract, and how those who followed her advice found relief while others did not.

Monica overcame her mother-in-law's initial hostility through patient observance and meekness, eventually earning such trust that her mother-in-law became her advocate against servants who sowed discord.

Augustine describes Monica as a gifted peacemaker who would hear both sides of disputes but never repeat bitter words, instead seeking reconciliation through wise counsel guided by God's instruction.

Augustine emphasizes that Monica eventually converted her pagan husband Patricius to Christianity before his death, and after that had no grounds for complaint about his former behavior as a believer.

Augustine characterizes Monica as a servant to all God's servants and as a mother to Augustine's entire community, exemplifying a life devoted to others' spiritual welfare through her faithful conversation.

Augustine recounts a profound spiritual experience where he and his mother, standing alone at a window overlooking a garden at Ostia, discourse together about eternal life and briefly touch the eternal wisdom of God.

Augustine describes how he and Monica progressively elevated their minds beyond earthly sensations, through the heavens and their own souls, to contemplate eternal wisdom and the unchanging nature of God.

Augustine depicts the climactic moment when both he and Monica momentarily touch eternal wisdom through intense effort of heart, then sigh and return to ordinary speech.

Augustine imagines what it would be like if the mystical vision could continue forever—all creatures silent, only God's own word heard—and identifies this with 'Enter into thy Master's joy.'

Monica tells Augustine that she has no further desire for earthly life, having achieved her one hope of seeing him become a Catholic Christian who serves God, and asks what purpose she has remaining.

Within five days of her spiritual discourse with Augustine, Monica falls ill with fever and loses consciousness; upon awakening, she prophetically tells Augustine that this is where he will bury her.

Monica instructs her sons not to worry about where her body is buried, requesting only that they remember her at the Lord's altar wherever they may be.

Augustine realizes that Monica's earlier anxiety about being buried in her own homeland has been transformed; she now expresses complete trust in God's recognition wherever her body lies.

Monica dies on the ninth day of her illness at age fifty-six, and Augustine closes her eyes, experiencing overwhelming sorrow despite his conviction that her death was not a true loss.

Augustine, Adeodatus, and the community refrain from public weeping at Monica's funeral, believing it inappropriate to mourn her as though she were unhappy or truly dead, given her holy life.

Augustine acknowledges that his deepest pain comes not from her death but from the sudden rupture of their constant companionship, which had become a single shared life.

While Monica's body is being prepared for burial, Euodius leads the community in singing the Psalm 'I will sing of mercy and judgments to Thee, O Lord,' drawing many brethren and religious women.

While others prepare Monica's body, Augustine converses with those nearby about matters fitting to the occasion, using the 'balm of truth' to assuage his torment, though his inner grief continues.

Augustine grieves not only his mother's death but also his own susceptibility to grief, displeased that earthly attachments have such power over his emotions despite his spiritual advancement.

At the graveside, Augustine pours forth prayers but does not weep, though he remains deeply sad throughout the day, troubled that he cannot find relief even in prayer.

Augustine bathes hoping to ease his grief, having heard that bathing drives sadness away, but finds no relief; his sorrow yields only to sleep, after which he awakens with somewhat softened grief.

Upon waking, Augustine recalls verses from Ambrose's hymn about God as maker and ruler who brings sleep and renewal, which comforts him and leads him to reflect more gently on Monica's virtues.

Augustine allows his restrained tears to flow freely in private prayer for his mother and himself, finding rest for his heart in weeping before God rather than before human observers.

Augustine confesses in writing that he wept briefly for his mother and invites readers to join him in sorrow for his sins rather than mock him for his brief mourning.

Augustine moves from personal grief to spiritual concern, now weeping with anxiety about the universal danger of death in Adam, though confident in Monica's salvation through Christ.

While acknowledging Monica's holy life and faith, Augustine hesitates to claim that no sinful word escaped her lips since baptism, citing Christ's judgment against even calling one 'fool.'

Augustine expresses hope that God, being not extreme in searching for sins, will show mercy to Monica; he praises those who recognize their virtue as ultimately God's gift rather than their own merit.

Augustine prays to God through Christ the Mediator to forgive Monica's debts, appealing to her merciful nature and requesting that God's mercy be exalted above justice in her case.

Augustine emphasizes that Monica desired no elaborate funeral rites or monument, requesting only to be remembered at God's altar, demonstrating her detachment from worldly honors.

Augustine explains that Monica bound her soul to the Eucharistic sacrifice, which dispels the handwriting against all believers; she can confidently answer that her sins are forgiven through Christ's payment.

Augustine prays that Monica rests in peace with Patricius, the only husband she knew, and requests that readers of the Confessions pray for both Monica and Patricius at God's altar.

Augustine concludes by expressing hope that his written confessions will fulfill Monica's final request to be remembered at the altar better than his prayers alone could, through the prayers of many readers.