Chapter XXII

Candide sells some El Dorado treasures, hires a chaise for two passengers, and leaves his red sheep with the Bordeaux Academy of Sciences, which ironically attempts to scientifically explain the sheep's properties.

After hearing multiple travelers mention Paris, Candide becomes curious and decides to visit the capital, viewing it as only a slight detour to Venice.

Upon arriving in Paris, Candide is disappointed by the city, finding it as dirty as a Westphalian village.

Candide becomes ill from fatigue, and his visible wealth causes physicians and devotees to appear uninvited to exploit him, contrasting sharply with Martin's experience of being poor and alone.

A priest attempts to extract payment for last rites; Candide refuses, Martin violently ejects the priest, and the incident results in scandal and legal trouble.

While recovering, Candide gambles with fashionable Parisians and notices the ace never comes to him, while Martin remains unsurprised by his losses.

An Abbé introduces Candide and Martin to Parisian society and entertainment, positioning himself as a facilitator of pleasures.

Candide attends a tragedy and weeps at the performance, but is mocked by a critic who dismisses the play, actors, and author with elaborate contempt.

Candide learns that France produces thousands of dramas but only fifteen or sixteen are good, with Martin sarcastically emphasizing the stark ratio.

Candide notices an actress playing Queen Elizabeth who resembles Cunegonde and wishes to meet her, asking the Abbé about proper etiquette.

The Abbé describes how beautiful actresses are respected in Paris while dead, and Martin provides a historical example of a famous actress denied proper burial.

Martin critiques France as embodying all contradictions and incompatibilities in government, law, church, and society; the Abbé explains that Parisians laugh while doing detestable things.

Candide asks about the critic from earlier, learning he is a 'folliculaire' (pamphleteer) who profits by slandering all plays and books out of spite.

The Abbé claims to be unable to introduce Candide to the actress Miss Clairon but instead takes him to a gambling house run by the Marchioness of Parolignac.

Candide enters a gaming house where the Marchioness and her daughter oversee melancholy card players while maintaining control over stakes and cheating detection.

Candide rapidly loses fifty thousand francs in two rounds of faro, then joins supper where everyone assumes he is an English lord due to his indifference to the loss.

The company discusses French books with harsh judgment, complaining that silly writings abound and that poor literature drives them to gambling.

A 'man of taste' explains what makes great tragedy, requiring originality without oddness, sublimity tempered with naturalness, and intimate knowledge of the human heart—standards by which few succeed.

Candide, impressed by the scholar's discourse on tragedy, asks who he is and learns he is a failed writer, leading Candide to compare him mockingly to Pangloss.

Candide addresses the scholar asking whether he holds Pangloss's optimism, conflating the scholar's literary expertise with philosophical position.

The scholar rejects Panglossian optimism, asserting that no one understands his rank or function, and that except for suppers, life is continuous warfare between different factions.

Candide argues that a hanged sage taught him all suffering is merely shadows on a beautiful picture, but Martin and Candide's subsequent exchange suggests practical acceptance rather than genuine agreement.

The Marchioness manipulates the naive Candide into intimacy by criticizing his fidelity to Cunegonde and demonstrating Parisian sophistication; she then extracts his diamonds through charming flattery.

Candide regrets his infidelity to Cunegonde upon leaving the Marchioness, while the Abbé exploits this moment and Candide's mention of Venice to extract further information and cement his influence.

The Abbé inquires deeply about Cunegonde's wit and correspondence, learning details about her death, revival, and Candide's attempt to contact her two thousand five leagues away.

Candide receives a touching letter claiming to be from Cunegonde, expressing illness, emotional longing, and reference to Cacambo and the old woman, which transports him with joy.

Candide rushes to the hotel with diamonds and gold, finds the alleged Cunegonde in a dark room where a servant prevents him from seeing her, and he gives her gifts.

An officer with the Abbé and soldiers arrives to arrest Candide and Martin as suspected foreigners, revealing the Abbé's betrayal and the woman's deception.

Martin quickly realizes the actress is a fraud, the Abbé is a knave who exploited Candide's simplicity, and the officer is another criminal, all conspiring together.

Candide offers three diamonds worth three thousand pistoles each to the officer instead of facing trial, and the officer readily agrees, revealing that diamonds open all doors in France.

The Abbé and officer explain that foreigners are arrested because a poor beggar who heard foolish words committed parricide, and this has recurred throughout French history.

Candide expresses horror at the combination of dancing, singing, and murder in France, finding men only in El Dorado and begging to be taken to Venice.

The officer agrees to conduct Candide and Martin to Normandy, releases them from restraints, and his brother helps them board a Dutch ship bound for Portsmouth.

Candide frames his departure as escaping hell and assumes he will soon resume his journey to Venice, though he has actually been redirected to England.

Upon arriving in England, Candide is horrified to witness the execution by firing squad of an Admiral for insufficient zeal in battle, an act the crowd watches with satisfaction.

Martin explains that England and France wage expensive war over Canadian acres, with both nations containing populations equally suited to madhouses, though he judges the English as particularly melancholic.

Shocked by the execution, Candide refuses to set foot on English shore and pays the ship captain to take him directly to Venice without delay.

The captain quickly prepares departure, and the ship coasts along France and past Lisbon before entering the Mediterranean and landing at Venice.

Upon arriving in Venice, Candide embraces Martin and expresses renewed faith in reuniting with Cunegonde and in his optimistic philosophy, despite all evidence to the contrary.